I didn’t manage to post last week. Two reasons: I was busy finishing up work on the latest high school film, “Strong Hold,” and I was also (like many others) fighting the latest flu bug. It wasn’t fun (the illness that is) but I’m much better now and only an annoying cough remains. Another quasi-important thing that occurred recently was my 24th birthday, which was two Fridays ago on the 18th. The weekend before last I had a few friends over for same geeky gamery. It was great and I wish I could have game days like that more often. I also got to spend time with my family in Ramona and watch the disheartening defeat of the Chargers (OK, not being a huge sports fan I wasn’t all that put out by it). Last weekend I went with a bunch of church friends to Joe’s Crab Shack for a slightly late celebratory b-day lunch, followed by an amusing visit to our friend Morgan’s hangout, aptly named The Nast. Apparently anything can happen there and I not only ended up inside a human cage but I also won a game of musical chairs. Sweet!

I am incredibly grateful for all the wonderful friends I have. It really means the world to me to have such friends and family whom I can be completely myself when I’m around them and they can be themselves around me. Also, it does feel a little strange being 24, especially because of it’s proximity to 25, but really it’s not all that different from previous ages. I listened to the Switchfoot song “Twenty-Four” on my actual birthday day and felt that I could appreciate it even better, knowing that Jon wrote it just before his 24th.

All this hanging out and comradery has got me thinking about relationships. Now, I’m not going to be terribly profound in saying this, but relationships (no matter who they’re with) are things that must be maintained if they are to continue. In that way (and probably in that way only) they’re like lint traps. If you don’t keep clearing the lint out, it will keep building up and eventually it will block the heat out and your clothes won’t get dried. If you don’t keep in contact with a person and keep tabs on what’s going on with them, over time the connection slowly gets clogged, eventually to the point that you no longer have a relationship with that person, or at least your relation to them is about as useful and practical as bunch of wet clothes. Ok, so it’s a pretty silly analogy but I’m doing laundry at the moment so it all makes sense in my mind.

I’ll be the first to say that it’s not easy to maintain every relationship in one’s life and sometimes it feels like juggling four swords with one arm. Certainly, priorities must be set since every person cannot hold the same importance in one’s life. But, unless you’re stuck on a hypothetical deserted island with only a volleyball for companionship, then relationships are one of the most important parts of life (and even the volleyball can make things harder on you if it gets neglected). Like most parts of life, it is something I’m still learning about. I imagine I’ll be learning about that particular subject until the day I die since every stage of life holds new types of relationships. It can be a real let-down to make mistakes in that area, but sometimes there’s no greater joy than discovering and keeping some relationships well-maintained.

Maybe it’s just me, but I think writing is quite difficult, especially creative writing. I shouldn’t be surprised by this; pretty much anything worthwhile involves a good amount of difficulty. But even when it feels like I’ve got all these brilliant ideas in my head, when I actually sit down to put pen to paper (or usually finger to keyboard) the ideas vanish like smoke in a strong breeze and I get hung up on the first sentence so that it takes me an hour just to write one small paragraph. Nevertheless, I am not only writing but I’m even making some small amount of progress. So far I’ve been doing well to keep my goal of reading and writing something every week night that I have the time to do so. It feels good.
Right now I’m working on a very short story based on a board game experience. Sounds geeky right? To be honest, it is. But it’s not anything serious that’s going to get published, just a fun exercise to prepare me for more weighter things. And, in part, it is a way to prove to myself that I can actually write some kind of story and finish it. I’ll let you folks read it when I’m done. But don’t expect anything too soon.

Have you ever felt like a hypocrite, like someone who has lived a life full of double standards, constantly expecting from others what you yourself don’t even do? I have and I do. I think most people will passively admit that we’re all hypocrites in one way or another, but fully realizing it and owing up to actual instances of perpetration is another matter in itself. It’s a terrible feeling, almost makes me sick really. It is a great disappointment to realize (once again) that I’m not who I thought I was; in fact I am far from it. We can build up images of ourselves in our minds (sometimes greater, sometimes lesser than what we really are) and when those images are shattered by a collision from the unyielding force of reality, we are left shocked by the sudden realization of what we really are, uncertain of what to do with the broken pieces, and insecure, being unable to fall back on old ways of thinking. But it is best to sweep those pieces away and once again gaze unwaveringly into the mirror of truth, and to trust that its reflection is accurate.

It also saddens me to think of how many people have been turned away from Christianity because of the hypocrisy the see in the church. And I can’t just dismiss it with the idea that all those bad examples are fakes, only nominal Christians. While it may be true in some cases, I know that even real Christians can be hypocrites and poor examples of what a life in Christ should look like. What’s even more terrible is how incredibly easy it is for me to misrepresent God in my own personal life. Heck, even Moses did it, and he was a man of exceedingly greater faith than I. But I am thankful, knowing that the gospel we preach is not, “Christians are right and everything else is wrong.” Instead it is, “we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” We being everyone (Christians included) and sinned not meaning “we used to sin, back before we knew better” but instead, “we continue to sin and fall short, often and daily.” This puts us all on level ground; the greatest king and the poorest peasant stand face-to-face; the loftiest Pope and the basest prisoner are at eye level. We do not present a salvation that comes from us, one which we have perfected, but one that is able to reach down to the lowest and lift them up. We do not hold our own righteousness up for all to see, but instead we point to an all-forgiving, life-transforming, and altogether faultless righteousness that we have received, despite our own undeserving wretchedness. And, though I grieve solemnly over my own iniquities, in this thing I find great delight.

This is my obligatory “Happy New Year” to you all.

Naturally, I did two of my favorite things for New Year’s Eve: hung out with friends and played games. It was terrific.

As far as New Year’s resolutions go, I try my best not to have any. I guess it’s my way of avoiding undue disappointment. However, I’m planning to do more of what I already am doing, which would be exercising, reading, and writing. And while I’m at it, eating better and getting more sleep wouldn’t hurt either. I suppose if you wanted to, you could call those resolutions, but unlike most resolutions, it’s not as easy to gauge whether or not I’ve failed at them. The only way to fail by my standards would be to stop doing those things completely and such an outcome is drastic enough to be very unlikely. And they aren’t exactly new, just more of what I’ve been working at all along.

I had a good week and a half break from work, one that was replete with laughs, completed checklists, heavily costumed acting stunts, new inside jokes (fear the African Zombie Constraints), family time, good ol’ fashion gamery, and mostly unsuccessful attempts to catch up on sleep. I was satisfied (though a little sad) when it came to a close.

On the last day, having returned from dinner and a short hike with some friends, I set out to finish cleaning my room. It probably could have waited, but I knew it needed to get done since the last time I cleaned was almost a year ago on the night before leaving for my first day of work up here in LA. Why such things always get pushed until the last minute I’ll never know. I was reminded again of how little I love dusting (and cleaning in general). It isn’t because of the labor involved but because of the incredible (and tragic) impermanence of the whole thing. I suppose in the long run every earthly work is only temporary though many are still necessary. It’s just more obvious when it come to cleaning. If you build a fence, write a story, paint a picture, or complete a video game you at least have something to show for it and you usually won’t have to do that specific thing again. But all the time spent cleaning must be re-spent cleaning the same thing over and over again ad nauseam. I’m comforted by the thought that there will be no dust in heaven, but for now I’m getting used to the fact that there’s an unlimited supply of it here on earth.

I apologize if all the personal stuff is boring to you, hopefully I’ll be able to get to the more creative/thoughtful stuff soon. All in due time my friend, all in due time.